The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
