Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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