After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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