if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
