i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
