im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
