textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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