Do you still have your period?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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