i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
