so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
