everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
