bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
