I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
