she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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