I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
