We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
