She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
