I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
