is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
