....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
