"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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