I'm laying in your front yard are you home
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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