nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
