I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
