Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
