i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
