at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
