how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
