hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
