I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
