i wish my penis had a tongue
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
