Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
