After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
