yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
