i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
