The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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