Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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