He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
