Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
