She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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