1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
