in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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