had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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