Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
