So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
