she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
