we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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