its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
