i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
