I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
