Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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