If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They have beer where we have blood.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
