We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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