If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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